Whatever

It has become more than obvious now how I can tell if someone is suffering from anxiety, panic, depression, OCD, anything like that or if they know someone close that does. Their response to it makes it more than clear because someone truly understanding of it would be supportive and sensitive to the issue.

Yes, there are treatments that CAN work and help someone live a little more normally. However, just because someone goes through therapy, takes medication, or a mixture of both does not mean it will magically go away or even help because we're all different. If that were the case, no one should be experiencing these things.

And just because someone has studied these issues does not mean they actually know what they are talking about. Reading something out of a book is completely different from experiencing it first hand or even seeing the effects on someone else.

Even medical professionals take this very seriously.

Thinking TOO Much

My mind is constantly racing. From the moment I wake up till the moment I fall asleep my mind is racing. That's the reason I'm still up right now typing this post because if I don't I will never be able to fall asleep. I will just keep going over, and over, and over in my mind what I want to say until I've had enough and just get up and do it.

I can't even explain what I'm thinking most of the time because it's just too much racing by in my mind all at once. As I type this I'm saying in my head exactly what I'm going to type out but in the "background" of my mind there are so many unclear thoughts and images going by that I can't make any of it out.

If I were to fall asleep right now and wake up in an hour my mind will instantly start racing again. I don't know how to stop it. It's gotten so bad that I can't even answer a simple question without looking too much into it and all of the possible answers there could be for it.

I make things complicated because I think too much. I can't sleep because I think too much. I can't concentrate because I think too much. I can't even watch a movie or tv program without pointing out everything wrong with it because I think too much. The more I type this, the more excited I get, and the more I start thinking!

Some people don't think enough. I think too much.

Hassle living life

No matter what I do, anything from sitting down while on the computer, walking, washing dishes, to doing my job as a Massage Therapist, I become light headed, dizzy, and exhausted due to the fact that I can't breathe properly. I have to rest each time this happens and if I push myself to do more I don't know if I'm putting myself at risk for something worse happening. As the days and weeks go on I can slowly feel myself getting worse. It's a hassle to be so limited in just living my everyday life. I feel trapped and completely worthless knowing I can't do what I should be doing at my age. At least those close to me undertand that I have limitations. I hate knowing that just vacuuming my house could cause me to passout because I have something wrong. As I sit here typing this post, I feel so out of it.

No peace

I'm thinking of changing the name of this blog to something not so cut and dry. Is that the right saying? Well either way I'm changing it to something else so I can talk about more than just anxiety and panic.

Today, after speaking with someone who has these things in her life, I have finally been able to figure out why one thing I deal with happens and possibly the explanation of something else. Do you follow?

For a while now, not even sure how long, I have had a problem waking up. Not every time but more than I would like. Before knowing the actual "condition" I would normally have to describe what I experience. Before I fully wake up yet completely aware, I can't move or say anything. I feel like I'm actually paralyzed. Granted it only lasts for a short time, seconds or minutes, but that time feels like forever. Turns out I have whats called "Sleep Paralysis" and the name basically says it all. You're paralyzed but only for a short time. And it can happen at two different times, when you're falling asleep and when you're waking up. For me its when I'm waking up. It's a horrible feeling, and kind of scary. It's not harmful but still not a pleasant way to wake up especially considering I feel stressed out and panicky.

My other problem is nightmares. Over the past week or so I have been having intense nightmares which cause me to wake suddenly in the middle of the night, sweaty (nice thought, huh), stressed, scared, and panicky. Again, not pleasant. But more than these nighttime nightmares, I get them in the daytime. If I for whatever reason take a nap during the day I will without a doubt have one of these daytime nightmares, and I wake up the exact same way. I can't seem to get any peace, awake or sleeping.

Ugh!

I hate anxiety! I know that goes without saying but still, UGH! For hours, no days, I have had basically non stop anxiety. I constantly feel like something is pressing down on my throat! I'm frustrated by this, which just causes more anxiety and panic. I need some kind of relief, and fast!


:(

Day after day anxiety

Today, or should I say tonight, is Tuesday and I've been having a constant breathing problem since Saturday with no hope in sight with on and off anxiety attacks. I guess I should be thankful they're not panic attacks, which I also get very frequently.

Today was a little different than most though. For a short while I became very lightheaded but almost felt like I was about to pass out, everything got dark. Thankfully that passed quickly. I'm not sure if this is connected with any of this or just coincidental, but last year I had a few blackouts which caused me to pass out while doing something. I think that happened about 5 times all within a few months. It may have been the heat because it was the summer, our summers have been pretty hot, and I haven't passed out since. So yeah, thinking about it now it may not be anything, I was just wondering because of today.

Anyways, on a side note. My wrist on my right hand has been bothering me for 3 days now. I have a numb feeling in the wrist, with a numb and throbbing pain that affects my hand and part of my arm. Apparently my strength is still there, it's just a bit of a struggle to have a firm grip. The pain goes away only if I apply pressure.

Fun stuff.