I don't know what the deal is with me. This has been going on for some time now but today was really bad. My energy level is ok but for some reason just about anything I do makes me extremely weak. Today I had to just lay down because I got dizzy whenever I moved around. If I stand up I feel like I'm going to blackout. If I'm washing dishes I have no stop numerous times to breathe and regain my strength or something. Taking a shower is even too much effort. I walk around like I'm an old lady because everything I do takes so much out of me, too much. And it's not because I'm old, or even the heat, so I don't know what my problem is. I just hate doing doing everything and feeling like I will pass out because my body can't handle it. I feel sickly. This is ridiculous =/
Friday, July 24, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
A letter
This is an e-mail I'm considering sending to a friend of mine who has a "know it all attitude" when it comes to human behavior and mental illness.
There are several reasons why I haven't called you back. First you need to understand that I have an extremely difficult time calling or speaking to almost anyone on the phone. My anxiety is so bad that I have attacks every day. I have a problem with my breathing that lasts all day long, and I can't do a lot of things that most people don't even have to think twice about doing. I realize how ridiculous all of this sounds which is why I really need you to try to understand. I don't choose to feel this way. And if I could just get over it, I would instantly.
I wish there were a less blunt way to put all this but I think if I tried to sugarcoat it, the importance behind my telling you won't be there.
A while ago when I showed you my blog on my anxiety and panic, rather than being understanding of it, you were pretty insensitive of my problem. Obviously you have an interest in the behaviors and mental illness of people since that's what you plan to major in, but just because someone has read these things from a book or even participates in studies, it doesn't mean they know how it truly feels to be forced to live with this condition on a day-to-day basis and have it be so severe that it completely interrupts your life. Some people have it worse than others. As you should know there are different types of anxiety but can be very individualized.
Yes, there is treatment, and yes there are therapists to see in order for it to be less severe. But again, many therapists have studied but may not actually have real-life experience with these issues. Just as there are different types of anxiety, there are different types of therapists, not all of whom are qualified to be actual practitioners.
Consider this: I read things on parenting to help me try to better prepare myself before I have children. Since I do read these things and learn different techniques, am I qualified to tell other parents how to raise their children or what they're doing wrong? No. For starters, I'm not a parent. But I have to also put into consideration that I only read it, and there different aspects as to why they choose to raise, discipline, whatever, THEIR children. I could however, maybe, possibly give advice, but I'm still not qualified no matter how knowledgeable I feel that I am. Even if I am a parent and the things I read do work, it isn't my place to say anything unless they specifically come to me for advice.
I'm not saying treatment is a waste of time or shouldn't be pursued, but it's not as simple as making a "go/don't go" decision. If it were, anyone who is on medication or going through therapy should not be suffering so severely from mental illness. From first-hand experience, I know many people who are on medication and going through therapy for this type of condition, but oftentimes, treatment makes no difference at all.
As a friend, I had hoped that you would realize that I have no enjoyment living with this condition every single day. And I especially dislike being judged by people just because they don't understand. If you only truly knew how much of a struggle it is to wake up every morning, your attitude towards it would completely change.
If you're going to be a therapist, you're going to need to learn to be more sensitive about these aspects rather than being so judgmental by "sticking to the book" which in turn would probably make the person feel worse. It's one thing to have people who aren't close to you not understand or even want to, but it's even worse to have those who are close to you act that way.
I have enough people in my life who are ignorant of mental illnesses, and I don't need another one who is actually supposed to be knowledgeable in it but has forgotten how to be a friend. Compassion and understanding is what I sought from you as a friend, but you've chosen to be clinically cold as a friend and future therapist. That is something I feel you should give some serious thought to.
Even those in the medical field take this condition very seriously, and are compassionate towards people who are faced with dealing with it.
You read it, but I live it.
There are several reasons why I haven't called you back. First you need to understand that I have an extremely difficult time calling or speaking to almost anyone on the phone. My anxiety is so bad that I have attacks every day. I have a problem with my breathing that lasts all day long, and I can't do a lot of things that most people don't even have to think twice about doing. I realize how ridiculous all of this sounds which is why I really need you to try to understand. I don't choose to feel this way. And if I could just get over it, I would instantly.
I wish there were a less blunt way to put all this but I think if I tried to sugarcoat it, the importance behind my telling you won't be there.
A while ago when I showed you my blog on my anxiety and panic, rather than being understanding of it, you were pretty insensitive of my problem. Obviously you have an interest in the behaviors and mental illness of people since that's what you plan to major in, but just because someone has read these things from a book or even participates in studies, it doesn't mean they know how it truly feels to be forced to live with this condition on a day-to-day basis and have it be so severe that it completely interrupts your life. Some people have it worse than others. As you should know there are different types of anxiety but can be very individualized.
Yes, there is treatment, and yes there are therapists to see in order for it to be less severe. But again, many therapists have studied but may not actually have real-life experience with these issues. Just as there are different types of anxiety, there are different types of therapists, not all of whom are qualified to be actual practitioners.
Consider this: I read things on parenting to help me try to better prepare myself before I have children. Since I do read these things and learn different techniques, am I qualified to tell other parents how to raise their children or what they're doing wrong? No. For starters, I'm not a parent. But I have to also put into consideration that I only read it, and there different aspects as to why they choose to raise, discipline, whatever, THEIR children. I could however, maybe, possibly give advice, but I'm still not qualified no matter how knowledgeable I feel that I am. Even if I am a parent and the things I read do work, it isn't my place to say anything unless they specifically come to me for advice.
I'm not saying treatment is a waste of time or shouldn't be pursued, but it's not as simple as making a "go/don't go" decision. If it were, anyone who is on medication or going through therapy should not be suffering so severely from mental illness. From first-hand experience, I know many people who are on medication and going through therapy for this type of condition, but oftentimes, treatment makes no difference at all.
As a friend, I had hoped that you would realize that I have no enjoyment living with this condition every single day. And I especially dislike being judged by people just because they don't understand. If you only truly knew how much of a struggle it is to wake up every morning, your attitude towards it would completely change.
If you're going to be a therapist, you're going to need to learn to be more sensitive about these aspects rather than being so judgmental by "sticking to the book" which in turn would probably make the person feel worse. It's one thing to have people who aren't close to you not understand or even want to, but it's even worse to have those who are close to you act that way.
I have enough people in my life who are ignorant of mental illnesses, and I don't need another one who is actually supposed to be knowledgeable in it but has forgotten how to be a friend. Compassion and understanding is what I sought from you as a friend, but you've chosen to be clinically cold as a friend and future therapist. That is something I feel you should give some serious thought to.
Even those in the medical field take this condition very seriously, and are compassionate towards people who are faced with dealing with it.
You read it, but I live it.
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