Why now?

I'm currently struggling to breathe as I type this post. Thought this would take my mind off of it but the fact that my internet is being difficult completely defeated that purpose. Over the past few days I actually thought I was getting better. Turns out I was wrong. I had a mild anxiety attack about 4 hours ago, and I'm still struggling to breathe because of it.

I was watching tv about an hour ago and for whatever reason I started to get anxious. Nothing new or surprising, just irritating that I get that way over basically nothing. My head is killing me now, probably from the lack of oxygen. Got lightheaded a few times and now I'm feeling weak. Ugh.

Each time I'm able to take a normal "comfortable" breath I suddenly feel relieved, but that relief is instantly followed by more of that anxious feeling because a function that should come naturally, isn't working properly.

I can't understand why I've gotten this way. I feel like such a drama queen and kind of embarrassed by the fact that I get so worked up over the smallest things we all encounter daily. I have experienced traumatic things in my life just like everyone else. Some things worse, and somethings not as bad. All things I thought never really had an affect on me. Things I thought I was over.

So why now, after almost 23 years of life?

Nothing new

Well today was a pretty mild day. Just the usual struggle to breathe. I've had to stop what I was doing multiple times to focus and because of feeling lightheaded, but other than that I was "ok". As ok as I can be I suppose. Although, I have been having sharp pains all over my body, that's new. Also bad headaches for about a week which has lead me to take pain killers more often than I like. I have headaches so often that I try not to take anything for them unless I absolutely need to. And for the past week, I've had to. Ugh.

A little background on my headaches. I've had one literally everyday since I was 13. So that's over 10 years of constant headaches. WOW. What a hassle for a young kid, huh? Went to the doctors a few times when this first started, had CT scans done, put on medication, nothing worked. They said they found nothing wrong and that it's probably due to stress. Stress makes sense now considering my anxiety and panic causes me to get overly stressed over basically nothing. I just don't remember feeling those things back then, its more of a newer problem I think.

I rather feel like I did back then than I do now, obviously. Being stressed is one thing. But being stressed, anxious, and panicking over everyday life is just a pain. Now I'm more restricted in what I can do without having an attack. Sometimes nothing at all will trigger an attack. Hopefully I'll be able to learn to deal better soon so I can just get on with my life and and not feel so trapped! It's so frustrating because I feel completely helpless and I know it's frustrating for everyone around me.

I guess overall, today was a "good day". HA! The next time I have an attack I'll look back on a day like today and wish I felt this good. How sad is that....ugh

A new beginning

Yes, I have ANOTHER blog. I don't know if it's because I'm self centered, obsessed, or if it's just apart of my OCD, but I've always had the need and want to have numerous amounts of the same thing. And the amount varies depending on the item.

ANYWAYS, the purpose of this blog is to record anything regarding my anxiety, stress, panic, and attacks that come along. This idea was given to me by my mom a few months ago and on more than one occasion I've started a log, did one entry, then somehow forgot about them. So I have different "logs" floating around everywhere with one entry each. I decided that a good way for me to actually keep up with this is to do it on here. I check my blog all the time so I figured this should be the best place for me to jot all my "episodes", or whatever you wanna call them, down.